A New Lease on Life

Today I did something huge, but really small. I made some delicious baked bread that is easy and crazy unhealthy. I love this stuff and have been craving sweets. Well, I made the awesomeness, took a few bites, and threw the rest away. I was sitting there loving it when it dawned on me that if I'm not thrilled with my body, maybe I should be more thoughtful about what I put in it. It was oddly easy to get off my butt and throw the tasty treat away.

In other news, I got a job! An honest to goodness fulltime job. I am a teacher and am thrilled to have found this position. It feels like it is going to be a perfect fit. The interview and subsequent tour of the school felt right. I believe in the initial vibe when meeting the potential employer and coworkers. This is the first campus I've ever been to where every person was friendly from the moment I stepped out of my car.

Which brings me to my last thought. I want to be in the best physical shape I can before school starts. This mean two months of consistent exercise and watching what I eat. I'm already a pretty healthy eater, but I definitely need to step it up in terms of movement!

My goals:

Aqua Aerobics

Yoga

And maybe Tai Chi and/or Pilates

It is so wonderful to have this new job - I am filled with hope and motivation.

Minor Setback

"Less than 1% of people with an injury like yours recover without flare ups along the way." - my back doctor

That does NOT make dealing with the current pain any easier!

I just needed to get that out!

In other news, outside of my back hurting, life is good. I have a husband who loves me, a few high quality friends who support me, and I'm learning how to be my own best friend.

Snoozing Whilst Typing

My sleep cycle is completely and totally out of whack! ARGH! I hate this with a passion.

Two nights ago, I was up past 4 am. This is not good, nor is it healthy. That whole next day I wouldn't let myself rest with the hopes I would sleep well that night. And boy did I. Like 10 hours or something amazing. Then we get to last night and for whatever reason I couldn't sleep again.

What's up with that (Cue SNL music)?

Tonight's goal = sleep!

In other news, I recently finished training for an incredible volunteer program. It's something I've wanted to do for years. Basically, I get to help a youth who is a dependent of the courts. I once knew a girl who told me her volunteer from this program was "the only consistent adult" in her life. After she told me that, I knew one day I would be sworn in by a judge to advocate for teen.

I'm so tired. Must stay awake til a normal hour.

Tonight So You Think You Can Dance premieres. I love love love this show. Yes, I love it so much it warrants 3, now 4, loves. My question is how can they do a competition show with only one night a week? When will the contestants be eliminated? I just hope they know before they've learned a new dance and practiced for a week. Hmmm... Can't wait!

By the way, "they" say that sleep is one of the most important things for weight loss. Since losing weight is one of my top priorities these days, it would be really nice if sleep would happen. Thank you.

One last thing... I got a PSVita! I am absolutely adoring it. Awesome purchase.

Tentatively Trying

I started my taxes today. Is it strange that I kind of think they're fun to do? Don't know why, but I do. Of course, having to pay taxes isn't any fun. I just like filling out the forms. Odd, trust me, I know.

I'm trying really hard to take care of myself through this stressful time. My life has turned into me taking care of someone close to me, and in doing so, I had forgotten about myself. This person, who I love dearly, doesn't seem to realize that we are going through everything together. When I try to talk about my feelings, we end up talking about theirs instead. We talk all the time, but now I'm trying to put a bit of space between us. Every time we hang up, I end up in tears. And this loved one has no idea. I know tears is not what is wanted for me. So, space is what I need to protect myself.

My weight has become a non-issue for me. Since health is so important, I think it needs to come back on my radar. The good news is that I haven't gained any weight even while dealing with so much stress. I haven't lost any either. Am still at the exact same weight - to the ounce! Amazing. One area I have not slacked is water guzzling. I am still drinking water like no other - looks like that helps.

Time for veggie stir-fry. What a delicious lunch that will be. And no sugar popsicles for dessert. Yum.

Turning this frown upside down.

Stressed

I want life to be positive - filled with sunshine and roses. Unfortunately, life has been complicated and miserable. So, I'm just going to post what is going well...

Throughout all the family stress, I didn't gain an ounce.
The medical family crisis is almost over.
My husband is incredibly supportive.

For now, that's all I've got. My back still hurts, I'm in the middle of family drama, my best friend is working nights so we never connect, my other best friend is leaving for a couple weeks when I need her most. I will survive. Just might not write as much as I'm looking for the strength to get through this.

Truly Happy

I have had the most amazing weekend. Honestly, I feel so happy and content - which is completely bonkers when you consider I am in the heart of a family crisis and my back is in constant pain. Yet, I'm happy.

The question is: Why?

I think it is because I am taking the time to be grateful for every moment. Almost losing a loved one has made me become increasingly aware of each positive happening in my life. I'm also enjoying the little things more than ever.

Today I started that new journal. I was really nervous about ruining it (does anyone else feel like that when starting something new?)so I bought some pens and stickers and began writing this colorful journal that reflects my positive outlook. Thank goodness for Target's 99 cents wall of scrapbooking stickers. I was able to feel like I went crazy with my shopping, without spending much money.

Focusing on being healthier - mind, body, soul - has already helped me to be a happier person. How is this focus helping you in your life?

I'm Back. For Reals.

I had to disappear for awhile. It was hard on me emotionally, but a necessary truth. There was a family emergency I had to attend to. Things are going to be okay, but we are not out of the woods yet.
Sadly, this means I slacked on the majority of my personal goals. How could I worry about my own health - physical/emotional/mental/spiritual - when my whole being was devoted to the care of a loved one? I know I did what needed to be done, but I'm still disappointed in how this effected me.
My back has gone out worse than it has in years. Walking from my car to inside the store and my back feels done and I just go home. I haven't been able to exercise or even do basic day-to-day cleaning. I'm really looking forward to getting back in the pool which I think should be within a week or so.
Life hasn't been all bad, just challenging. Luckily, I have an amazing (yes, the word is overused but he truly is) husband who has stepped up in ways I could never have dreamed. A few friends have really stood out as being true and solid. Incredible how in our toughest times our truest friends are right there with support.
Looking to a positive 2012 is filling my heart with hope. I am excited to get back in the pool - I can't wait to be healthier. My husband and I are going to start meditating and church shopping. Maybe I will actually learn Spanish for reals this time! One way I have started to take care of myself that I will definitely continue is reading books! I just love to read and am so pleased I have given myself the time to do so.
My family situation should be all over in a couple of months, and I don't want to look back and regret not taking care of myself for the entire length of our struggle. Please bear with me. All support is appreciated.

Small Success

I weighed myself on Saturday and am a total of just over four pounds below where I started! This is a minor success, but I am so proud of myself.

In the past, I would exercise for a week or so - maybe diet too - and then I would just stop. Give up. This time is different. This time, I'm not doing it for a bikini bod (although how cool would that be?). I'm doing this to change my life. To better my life. The pounds shedding off are a side benefit.

Today marks the beginning of the second week of the hundred pushups challenge I am partaking in. It feels amazing to have my muscles get so much stronger. I've also started stretching way more. Back in the day, I was super flexible and I'd love to be able to say that again.

Life is challenging right now. It would be easy to give up on this lifestyle change. No one would even blame me. But I'm sticking with this - and I hope those of you who are in this with me, stick with it too. Let me know where your journey is taking you.

Theater Education

I want to start by making one thing abundantly clear - I love my job. Not, my job is alright, but I could do better. No. I freaking love my job. I love the kids, the parents, the staff, the actual work I do each day. At least once a week I tell my students that I have the best job in the world, and I genuinely believe it.
Budget cuts in the arts combined with budget cuts in education make job security and stability as a drama teacher nonexistent.
Before I got my teaching credential, I wanted to work for an education component to a theater company. Then, I got my credential and decided I wanted to build a drama program at a school. I've met that challenge, conquered that goal. All along, I've known I want to do the same for a theater company. Not just work for the education branch, but start one. Now that my job is in jeopardy, I am excited to start reaching out to small theater companies in the area. I can't believe how truly pumped I am! Who knew looking for a job could be such a wonderful feeling?
Now I get to update my resume and get a solid cover letter going. That's right, I get to!
Wish me luck on this adventure. Don't worry. Just because I am looking forward to this new opportunity doesn't mean I will be putting any less into my current position. The school year is almost over, and there is still so much more I want to teach my students! I will make sure they get the best Mrs. Bizzle possible. In fact, I think the excitement I feel about this new chapter will only make me a more enthusiastic and passionate teacher.

Tough Talks

As a drama teacher, I feel like I have many opportunities to have interactions with students that they will never forget. This is not a responsibility I take lightly, and sometimes it is not something I enjoy.
On Wednesday, I called a very talented student into my classroom to discuss her attitude during rehearsal. She is a bright kid who tends to have a negative demeanor. The musical we are doing is very upbeat and happy, but throughout rehearsals she always looks sullen and sometimes even angry. This means that I feel like I can't give her any major parts or even just a special moment in the show. When we had our conversation, I knew it would be difficult, but I had no idea she would cry! Luckily, her reaction was, "I had no idea. Now that I do, I can change it." I hope she does because after this talk I'd really like to give her a little more in the show.
When I was 12, a director yelled at me because I wouldn't stop fidgeting on stage when I was supposed to be still. I've never forgotten that moment. I know this was different because I had a private conversation with my student, but I still think this was one of those difficult moments that will stick with her forever.
Have you had any conversations with a teacher (or director) that have really stuck with you?