I Hate My Body.

It's true. I hate my body.

The weight (Ha!) of that sentence and truth is sinking in. It's one thing to think a negative thought over and over daily, it is quite another to see it in writing. My goal with this blog is to be open and honest. This is my truth. I hate my body. However, it's not like I am just sitting in front or the mirror staring at my flaws berating myself.

Drumroll please...

Today was day one of No Added Sweeteners!

When I woke up this morning, I didn't know that I was going to set this goal for myself. And I still have no clue what my ultimate plan is! All I know, is my body was craving sugar so strongly that I knew it was time to acknowledge I have a problem. Every minute that ticked by was accompanied with sugar tauntings! That is not normal. So I told myself I had to get through today without any added sweeteners. And I did it. It was hard. So freaking hard. Harder than I expected it to be. And you know what? I'm doing it again tomorrow.

June is Busting Out All Over

Today is the first day of June. I have decided to really focus on losing weight again this month. In March and April, I did a great job of exercising and eating healthy daily - it became routine! In May, I continued to eat well, but was not as consistent with the exercise. This week, I've been exercising again and it feels great! So, I am back on track to make June my most successful month yet.

Here are my goals:

*Continue to not eat sugar

*Water aerobics five times a week

*Cardio before or after pool

*Drink lots of water

*Post daily progress on Twitter

This all seems totally doable and I am pumped! Feel free to join me in making June the best month yet and let me know how you are doing! Together, we can do this.

Snoozing Whilst Typing

My sleep cycle is completely and totally out of whack! ARGH! I hate this with a passion.

Two nights ago, I was up past 4 am. This is not good, nor is it healthy. That whole next day I wouldn't let myself rest with the hopes I would sleep well that night. And boy did I. Like 10 hours or something amazing. Then we get to last night and for whatever reason I couldn't sleep again.

What's up with that (Cue SNL music)?

Tonight's goal = sleep!

In other news, I recently finished training for an incredible volunteer program. It's something I've wanted to do for years. Basically, I get to help a youth who is a dependent of the courts. I once knew a girl who told me her volunteer from this program was "the only consistent adult" in her life. After she told me that, I knew one day I would be sworn in by a judge to advocate for teen.

I'm so tired. Must stay awake til a normal hour.

Tonight So You Think You Can Dance premieres. I love love love this show. Yes, I love it so much it warrants 3, now 4, loves. My question is how can they do a competition show with only one night a week? When will the contestants be eliminated? I just hope they know before they've learned a new dance and practiced for a week. Hmmm... Can't wait!

By the way, "they" say that sleep is one of the most important things for weight loss. Since losing weight is one of my top priorities these days, it would be really nice if sleep would happen. Thank you.

One last thing... I got a PSVita! I am absolutely adoring it. Awesome purchase.

Essentials to Happiness

The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. ~Joseph Addison


It is funny how love makes us do and put up with things we never thought we would. But we can only hope the ones who love us in return will tolerate us as well.

Today my focus on the road to health and happiness is water. Yep, good ol' H2O. For a long while there I was drinking so much water everyday, it had become a habit. In the past week or so, I've noticed I'm not hydrating enough. So, that's my hope. To drink a plenitude of water today.

There was a time when I really enjoyed writing. There is nothing quite like sitting in a quiet spot with pen, paper, and thoughts. Today that is my "to do". I am going to sit and write letters and maybe even journal. I find writing just for myself harder to do. Perhaps it doesn't feel as meaningful as it used to. I'm not sure.

And since my life is luckily filled with love, this will all be done with happiness in my heart.

I'm Back. For Reals.

I had to disappear for awhile. It was hard on me emotionally, but a necessary truth. There was a family emergency I had to attend to. Things are going to be okay, but we are not out of the woods yet.
Sadly, this means I slacked on the majority of my personal goals. How could I worry about my own health - physical/emotional/mental/spiritual - when my whole being was devoted to the care of a loved one? I know I did what needed to be done, but I'm still disappointed in how this effected me.
My back has gone out worse than it has in years. Walking from my car to inside the store and my back feels done and I just go home. I haven't been able to exercise or even do basic day-to-day cleaning. I'm really looking forward to getting back in the pool which I think should be within a week or so.
Life hasn't been all bad, just challenging. Luckily, I have an amazing (yes, the word is overused but he truly is) husband who has stepped up in ways I could never have dreamed. A few friends have really stood out as being true and solid. Incredible how in our toughest times our truest friends are right there with support.
Looking to a positive 2012 is filling my heart with hope. I am excited to get back in the pool - I can't wait to be healthier. My husband and I are going to start meditating and church shopping. Maybe I will actually learn Spanish for reals this time! One way I have started to take care of myself that I will definitely continue is reading books! I just love to read and am so pleased I have given myself the time to do so.
My family situation should be all over in a couple of months, and I don't want to look back and regret not taking care of myself for the entire length of our struggle. Please bear with me. All support is appreciated.

Calories In vs. Calories Out

Being healthy is my ultimate goal. I want to look in the mirror and be proud of how I take care of my whole self. You know what? I'm already getting there. It's not about looking in the mirror and feeling like a beauty queen, but just knowing that I'm doing what I can to make my life the very best it can be.

I've decided to add to my workout plan. I'm doing the hundred pushups challenge, walking, hiking, and playing Kinect. I'm going to add sitting on a wall as my own challenge! And once I get out of my own head, I will go back to the gym for water aerobics.

I have a friend who loses weight by eating less. It doesn't matter what she does for exercise, she just needs to cut back on her calorie intake and the pounds will come off. It seems like most people need to watch what they eat and also workout more to lose weight.

When I was in college, I could eat whatever I wanted so long as I exercised regularly. As I've gotten older, I'm in my early 30s now, my metabolism has definitely shifted and slowed way down. However, I have recently realized that exercise is still the most important factor on my weight loss journey. I can cut calories, but those stubborn pounds won't budge! When I move more and exercise more, that's when I see a change in my body. That's also when I see a change in my own positive outlook on life.

So, what have I learned? To meet my goal of being healthier mind, body, and soul, I must exercise more. In doing so, I hope to be a better wife, daughter, and friend.

Progress

I guess we all know that we are works in progress - we never really finish all the work it takes to be truly healthy and happy. It's exciting to have people who acknowledge they are working on the same journey. It's so easy to forget about the basics of contentment when going through the daily grind which makes these people even more meaningful.

I am actually stopping to smell the roses, literally, these days.

For the past week or two, I've been exercising and trying to eat healthier. The first week, I lost 2.5 pounds. This past time I weighed myself, I had gained it back. This blows my mind because I actually did more cardio, but didn't increase calories! How is this possible? And, to make this even nuttier, my clothes are starting to fit a little looser. What? I just don't get it. I will continue to work and hope the numbers do follow...

Oh! I am a part of this great challenge!

Wish me luck!